He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
