pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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