Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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