Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And then my night got REAL pukey
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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