I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
