Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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