I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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