My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
