She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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