he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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