White coat. Heels.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
