In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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