Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
