tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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