[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
