good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
