Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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