This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
