I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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