I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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