Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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