So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
