I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
