Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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