Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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