you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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