I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
