Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
