THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
