He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
