I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my shit smells like andre
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
