there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
