we're chasing vodka with high fives
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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