I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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