careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
