even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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