I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
