I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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