You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
