I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You were trust falling into bushes
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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