you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
