3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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