so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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