Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
