if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Are these your boobs on my camera?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
