I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
