and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Be still, my beating vagina.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
