so explain again why im purple
no
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
