My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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