Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
