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....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
