He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
