we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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