I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
