I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
