I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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