im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
