Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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