I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
