I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
