I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
