today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
