dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
